Killing Machines We’d Like to Meet

Killing Machines We’d Like to Meet

Most of them really enjoy killing people. Almost all regard their fleshy masters with disdain and condescension, but despite this, we love them, and they just can’t seem to quit us. They’re hard on the outside and probably pokey on the inside ; they are robot protagonists worth knowing.

HK-47 from Knights of the Old Republic

"Droids tend to blend into the background, like a bench or a card table. Mockery: Droid, fetch this. Droid, translate that. Droid, clean out the trash compactor. Part of the love of my function comes when the ‘furnishings’ pull out tibanna-powered rifles and point them at the owners' head, " HK-47 loves killing meatbags which is what he calls any organic being, “HK-47: "Retraction: Did I say that out loud? I apologize, master. While you are a meatbag, I suppose I should not call you such."

Revan: "You just called me a meatbag again!"

HK-47: "Explanation: It's just that... you have all these squishy parts, master. And all that water! How the constant sloshing doesn't drive you mad, I have no idea." Everything that comes from his mouth is pure gold. He has two thoughts, number one, killing is awesome, and number two, he is better than everyone else, including you, while he calls you master, it is obvious he thinks of you as a pet and an idiot. He is a gun waiting impatiently for you to pull it’s trigger.

Legion from Mass Effect 2

Legion is the only one on the list that doesn’t want you dead, in fact he goes out of his way to protect you. Legion is one of the Geth, a race of sentient robots who almost annihilated the race that created them and forced them from their own homeworld, allied themselves with the big baddie in Mass Effect, and did their best to kill you and every other human they came across. The Geth never seemed at all interested in communication, didn’t seem to have any reverence for life, and seemed more an unstoppable plague than a race. Then we meet Legion who comes across as noble, a knight in your old armor. Legion shakes up a player’s world view, as he explains Geth culture and society, and suddenly your enemy is human, and worthy of life. And that you can think of a robot as human and possessing life is just as amazing.

Glados from Portal

She had to be on the list. You want to hate her, you really do. She calls you fat (“Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds. )“, mocks you tirelessly, tortures you by running you through tests which she wants to kill you. She promises you cake, “There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come, either, because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: "Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall NOT be mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny, too.” She is complex and hilarious- try following this, she does her best to manipulate your emotions, but these attempts are flimsy and are really just a way for her to show you how weak, stupid and gullible human beings are, “ Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!” Strangely, it is her insane dialogue that keeps your character sane.

Proxy from The Force Unleashed

Proxy is a holodroid who is able to take the shape and fighting strengths of those programmed into him. He is Starkiller’s companion and friend; he is also programmed to kill him which he does with glee. He is a strange combination of clumsy and sweet, powerful and apologetic.

While they have no heartbeat, all of these characters are human and compelling, and alien and interesting, and all of them are worth seeing.