PAX, PAX, baby

It’s like shoving rainbows and bear cubs into your eyeholes, if doing that sort of thing were something one would enjoy doing. Penny Arcade Expo, or PAX, as it is known to the video game set, takes place at the end of August in green and crunchy Seattle. PAX is soaked in video games, geeks, and various (and usually inflatable) swag. In short, it is Nirvana’s waiting lounge for gamers.

Penny Arcade started as a smart, giant- hearted, insightful, and oftimes hilarious comic and blog, and grew into podcasts and commentary, various internet shows, and then into a safe spot for gaming enthusiasts to congregate and salivate over what’s happening in the industry. These are not the assholes who take pleasure shooting noobs in the head and calling you and everyone else fag as a way to demean, diminish and destroy anyone unlucky enough to not be a virtuoso. Penny Arcade embraces every sundry bit of their geekiness and knows it is both a source of joy and awkwardness for its compatriots. It focuses on a gamer’s obsession playing and picking apart games, and not ignominiously defeating your adversary and picking them apart. It says, “we all love games and unicorns. We all have our idiosyncrasies, and we all have known what is like to be made fun of for knowing and caring about each species of Pokemon or why an arcane warrior was a cool if overpowered class, and that shimmering shield was probably a mistake. We will not persecute or judge each other, because he is I and she is me.”

Did I mention there are boys? Sweet Tifa’s chocobo, there are boys! Boys of all shapes and sizes, bearded ones and thick ones, ones with tattoos of Gears of War weapons on them, military boys, space marines, and greek gods, lanky ones with a bit of a slouch, furry ones you want to keep in your pocket, oh boys. And even the ones who look tough (like, say the tall ginger, marine, with the flattop, and lovely buldgey muscle groupings) will melt when you talk with them about the finer plot points of Dragon Age:Origins, or what you accomplished with your sun goddess pup in Okamiden. It can be a little confusing because the line between gay and geek is a blurry one, but fantasies are free, and all of them are irrepressibly passionate about games; their soft, warm spots are in plain view and so sweet.

Unlike Comicon, there are very few booth babes, mostly the ones calling for your attention and enthusiastically explaining their wares are men with the energy of young boys, and again, pretty fucking sexy- especially the ones in the Xbox area who were wearing tight, spandex-y sports shirts or clinging black t-shirts that said, “Ask me Anything” (I’m looking lasciviously at you, Kinect Star Wars dude with the arms full of tattoos, ear disks, soft beard, lean muscles and Clark Kent glasses). The great thing about the people on the floor is that they ARE the ones making the games- they are the ones creating the magic of those virtual worlds you inhabit and they are eager to talk about them. I had conversations with a good number of them and they were friendly and forthcoming. It’s like having a conversation with your favorite author or actor; it was amazing. They want to talk with you about their game and their work, and man are they happy to see you. To geek out with the mayors of geekdom, and having conversations with them was one of my favorite things at the conference.

Of course there are all kinds of panels that offering peeks at upcoming games, cultural discussions about the effect and messages of games on society, what games tell us about ourselves, how to make games better, queers in games, women in games, portryals of minorities in games, genre discusions, creators talking about their studios and creations, and workshops on how to get into the industry. I got to meet three of my all-time favorite designers, visionaries in the field, who are pushing the medium further and further, Ken Levine of Bioshock fame, David Jaffe of God of War, and Todd Williams of the Fallout and Elder Scrolls franchises, and hear them talk about their process, their vision, and the views on what gaming is and could be. Yes, there is a good deal of waiting in line, but I was turned away from none of the panels I attended, nor was anyone else, Penny Arcade even had ways to make being in line entertaining with silly contests and games.

PAX is friendly and wonderful. Everyone is happy to be there and enthusiastic about games. There is a general air of acceptance, are you a shooter fan? fine! super into the cutest Nintendo game? me too! an overweight woman dressed as a slutty elven sorceress kitten, cool? hardcore RPG gamer? neat! young, old, phillipino, pony-tailed and trench-coated, fine. I never once heard anyone demean or insult a con attendee, and the game industry is, for the most part, is really queer friendly, queer issues, characters, and themes were brought up in most of the panels I attended and none of them had a specifically queer agenda, and there were no boos or jeers, no disclaimers or apologies. We are gamers, and all of us know what it is to love something down to its most trivial piece of trivia, and while we may have different interests, we have that in common, and there is something undeniably sexy about someone passionate and interested in the way that children are and it doesn’t matter what they care about, because it’s amazing to bask in their enthusiasm, and their tight t-shirts, and round, hairy calves (yes, geeks have them- don’t know why).

How Gays Fill the Cracks in the Video Game Industry

WHY GAMES NEED GAY

It’s time to be more than “politically correct” or “tolerant.” The gay community doesn’t have to prove they deserve recognition and respect or that they are valid and real- those debates need to end even if not everyone having that discussion is in agreement lets the other side’s crazy be heard again. We are a culture, we exist, and being seen should not just be in pride parades and public service announcements we need to jump into the flow of the greater culture, we need to take our place, and not ask for permission, or wait until we are universally loved. We need to get into the conversation. One place queers have been flitting about the edges is video games, which is unfair to everyone because we have much to offer to invigorate gaming and drive it forward.

Gays can add sparkle to the clichés in gaming. There are themes that are universal and very much part of the human experience, love, friendship, a hero’s journey, individualism versus collectivism, and there are well-used tropes of “the outsider” and “the chosen one.” These are great and very much a part of why we play games, unfortunately they have been used again and again in almost exactly the same way each time so that story becomes,” plug in visually interesting hero into conflict, fight this, that the, kill boss, rejoice.” Romance has been added into games to try to add an extra facet and motivation, but those are simplistic, hot girl is either helpless and busty and in need of saving, or she’s a hard ass who melts for you when you find her lost locket. Gay can turn these tropes (maybe even recruit these tropes), so that they can be read with a different eye and restore power to these themes which have turned into something like a great song we’ve heard too many times so that now it becomes background and rote. Who better embodies the theme of outsider than a young gay trying to come out, or find a community, or of a transgender person struggling in a culture running opposite of your experience? How about navigating bisexuality when the fags want you to admit to being gay and the straights are waiting for your “phase” to end? These can be presenting in a straight forward way with overtly queer protagonists or supporting characters, or in a Star Trek-y metaphor type of way. We gays understand these things in a way straights can not and our perception can illuminate a different facet of human experience that makes the picture more complete. Romantic gay subplots don’t have to just swap out genders, but can explore awkwardness and indecision, polyamory, relationships beyond their initial stages, the search for connection, platonic relationships between genders, objectification and fantasy. While love comes, goes and moves in similar ways be it gay or straight, there is a difference, and bringing our experience in not only shows who we are, but allows nonqueer folks to have a different way of looking at themselves beyond the conversations, expectations and stories they usually tell.

Gravelly voiced, hard bitten heroes, hypermasculine, with angry catch phrases and sour attitudes are ubiquitous and stale, along with busty, hippy, and flirtatious, women. Bring in the bitchy queen, the smiling and sarcastic queer, the take-no-guff tranny, the no- nonsense, all-woman lesbian who gets shit done and doesn’t need man’s attention. Bring in that attitude and strength of a community almost destroyed by AIDS, but found laughter, beauty, strength, and community, and would NOT be victims. Redefine what a hero looks and sounds like, create a new attitude of hero.

We gays got style, and games need it. How many gray postapocalyptic landscapes, dark stoney dungeons, and generic jungles can one withstand? Plus, who is dressing these characters, one look at any Final Fantasy game and it is clear these characters need a new stylist. Games could use a broader color palette and a bit of whimsy. Check out some screenshots of El Shaddai: Ascension of Metatron, and one can see how far bold style choices go (although I don’t know if any of those designers were gay, but I’d have trouble believing they weren’t). Look at Shadows of the Damned, Lollipop Chainsaw, or Psychonauts and you will see how refreshing these things can be (again, I don’t know if any of these designers are gay). Let’s play with shape and color, let’s free them from sterile, gritty, and “real.”

Games need gay to challenge and reveal us. Games need gay to broaden and evolve them. Queer characters, experiences, and sensibilities can invigorate games and rocket them into fabulousity. All gamers deserve it, and c’mon, you know they secretly want it.

El Shaddai Review

El Shaddai: Ascension of Metatron review

God’s defender in blue jeans

The fallen angels have corrupted the Earth and God wants to flood the place to clean it up a little. Enoch is given a chance to save the us by recovering thefallen angels which takes a bunch of fighting, lots of running, and a good amount of jumping. And Lucifel (your probably boy)friend follows you around on his cell phone talking casually to God to let him know how you’re doing.

It all pretty gay, when fighting you win when you strip the guy naked, the colors are fabulous and outrageous, and it’s got buttloads of style. It’s like a fag’s favorite home catalog, industrial, we have that, airy and pastel, right here, sir. Every level has it’s own look and feel (no really feel- it’s visually tactile). Static pictures don’t do it justice; most of the levels have a feeling of flow, a soft focus, a sense of lightness as they carefully waver and shift. It’s beautiful. The characters are pretty, Lucifel wears tight black jeans and a form fitting button down shirt buttoned in the middle revealing his chest and midriff, Enoch has blond bouncy hair and a strange configuration of armor that seems completely impractical, but well put together. The fallen angels look like they came from a Klaus Nomi fashion show. Enemies are tribal looking and interesting.

Gameplay is simple- it’s a basic platformer/adventure scheme. The camera doesn’t move and that can be pretty frustrating at times, precision is key. If you fail you are returned not far from where you fell, but it can still be frustrating. There are two attack buttons and different timing creates different combos. There are three weapons that play very differently. A complexity underlies the controls if a gamer wants to find it, but it’s a great for casual gamers.

The story is what you would expect from a Japanese RPG- pretty nonsensical pretending if it talks a bunch it has real meaning. The game is an experience and it is completely beautiful. It plays easily and is original in its mythology (Christian but not Bible-throwing) as well as its mesmerizing art style. Gay subtext is no hard to imagine throughout the game. Demos are available on Xbox Live and the Playstation Network, and If you’ve got 60 bucks to spare, check it out, or wait six months for it to drop in price, but it is well worth a look, and a lascivious look at that.

Killing Machines We’d Like to Meet

Killing Machines We’d Like to Meet

Most of them really enjoy killing people. Almost all regard their fleshy masters with disdain and condescension, but despite this, we love them, and they just can’t seem to quit us. They’re hard on the outside and probably pokey on the inside ; they are robot protagonists worth knowing.

HK-47 from Knights of the Old Republic

"Droids tend to blend into the background, like a bench or a card table. Mockery: Droid, fetch this. Droid, translate that. Droid, clean out the trash compactor. Part of the love of my function comes when the ‘furnishings’ pull out tibanna-powered rifles and point them at the owners' head, " HK-47 loves killing meatbags which is what he calls any organic being, “HK-47: "Retraction: Did I say that out loud? I apologize, master. While you are a meatbag, I suppose I should not call you such."

Revan: "You just called me a meatbag again!"

HK-47: "Explanation: It's just that... you have all these squishy parts, master. And all that water! How the constant sloshing doesn't drive you mad, I have no idea." Everything that comes from his mouth is pure gold. He has two thoughts, number one, killing is awesome, and number two, he is better than everyone else, including you, while he calls you master, it is obvious he thinks of you as a pet and an idiot. He is a gun waiting impatiently for you to pull it’s trigger.

Legion from Mass Effect 2

Legion is the only one on the list that doesn’t want you dead, in fact he goes out of his way to protect you. Legion is one of the Geth, a race of sentient robots who almost annihilated the race that created them and forced them from their own homeworld, allied themselves with the big baddie in Mass Effect, and did their best to kill you and every other human they came across. The Geth never seemed at all interested in communication, didn’t seem to have any reverence for life, and seemed more an unstoppable plague than a race. Then we meet Legion who comes across as noble, a knight in your old armor. Legion shakes up a player’s world view, as he explains Geth culture and society, and suddenly your enemy is human, and worthy of life. And that you can think of a robot as human and possessing life is just as amazing.

Glados from Portal

She had to be on the list. You want to hate her, you really do. She calls you fat (“Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds. )“, mocks you tirelessly, tortures you by running you through tests which she wants to kill you. She promises you cake, “There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come, either, because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: "Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall NOT be mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny, too.” She is complex and hilarious- try following this, she does her best to manipulate your emotions, but these attempts are flimsy and are really just a way for her to show you how weak, stupid and gullible human beings are, “ Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!” Strangely, it is her insane dialogue that keeps your character sane.

Proxy from The Force Unleashed

Proxy is a holodroid who is able to take the shape and fighting strengths of those programmed into him. He is Starkiller’s companion and friend; he is also programmed to kill him which he does with glee. He is a strange combination of clumsy and sweet, powerful and apologetic.

While they have no heartbeat, all of these characters are human and compelling, and alien and interesting, and all of them are worth seeing.

The Chicks You Need to See

Kick Ass Fems

Video game women are not just eye candy for lovely lesbians and straight guys, some of them have a soul underneath those curvaceous pixels. Below are some that deserve attention.

Merril from Dragon Age 2

Merril is not a femme fatale, she’s svelte and fragile looking, she’s got the sweetest Scottish accent, and she is filled with some serious contradictions. She comes across as naïve and adorably awkward, she’s sincere and girlish, but she practices blood magic and consorts with a demon who she is using to help restore a magical artifact important to her people. She is headstrong and willful, and she will do what it takes to accomplish her goal. Her people fear her for what she is doing and will have nothing to do with her, alone and unafraid she continues. She is equal parts tragic and hilarious, soft and unyielding, and she has got the best lines in the game.

Yuna from Final Fantasy X

Apparently I’m a sucker for this kind of girl because, like Merril, Yuna is sweet, self-effacing and powerful. She is bubbly and loving, and she would risk her life for the safety of her friends and her world. She will not allow anyone in her company to be down or pessimistic, however all of this surrounds a spine of steel. She leaves family, friends and safety, becomes an outlaw, and is completely dedicated to her quest even though she knows at the end of it is her death- this fact she keeps a secret, and when it is revealed she does not waver. She is impossible not to like.

Ashley Williams from Mass Effect

Ashley kicks butt. She is a soldier through and through. She’s brassy and funny and doesn’t attempt sexy but achieves it. She is close with her family, and has deep religious convictions, which I have not seen in a game, and it’s handled just right. Her faith is important to her, but she doesn’t force it on anyone and isn’t preachy, like the rest of her it is ingrained with who she is, and she doesn’t need your approval or understanding. Ashley is balanced, she’s a little xenophobic, but t’s great that she has flaws and sensitivity as well as ovaries of steel.

Nariko from Heavenly Sword

Fringe fans, Olivia voices and does mo-cap for this warrior woman. I love Nariko’s independence and strength. She is hated by her tribe, and has a adversarial relationship with her father who leads it. Her mother was killed giving birth to her; she was to be a savior to their tribe, but her vagina killed all that. Her father trains her anyway, and she grows up outcast, her father never being able to get over blaming Nariko for her mother’s death, his embarrassment for having a daughter and proclaiming his child would be the chosen one, and his shame for bringing death upon his tribe when the savior is not produced. Nariko takes the demon sword knowing it will kill her to save her tribe, to give her tribe the finger, and to make herself powerful. She is amazing and complex and HEROIC. Kai, the supporting female lead is also fantastic.

Morrigan from Dragon Age: Origins

Don’t fuck with Morrigan (unless you want some sort of god baby she will never let you see). This witch never loses, if a look won’t do it, her words will, if they fail then she throws in the boobs, and while you’re distracted she will zap you with some hokum. It is impossible to tell what she is thinking, and often it is unclear if she does. She is sarcastic, highly intelligent, driven, and unfathomable. She is complex, and you want to like her, but you never know if you can trust her. At some point she puts everyone in their place- she’s fantastic and voiced by Claudia Black. Check her out.

These women are women, they are sexualized as much as they want to be, they are in control, and unlike male characters they are allowed to care about things and have emotions outside of anger, and these emotions make them even stronger, even more focused. In these cases, books, comics, movies and TV shows should take notes on what women can be and are.

Men to Watch in the video games

MEN TO WATCH in video games

Almost all of them are mass murderers, they rarely change their clothes, and a good deal speak only in catchphrases, but we love them anyway. It’s hard to imagine any job or physical manifestation video game characters haven’t taken, Italian plumber, pink blob, loin-clothed and tattooed war god, space marine, ambiguously gendered fantasy savers, cowboys, aliens, cowboy alien rappers, but who is the best? I don’t really know, but here are some of the men that deserve attention from a gay gamer.

Monkey from Enslaved: Odyssey to the WestBesides being half naked, well-muscled, covered in tattoos, scars, and let’s be honest, a little bit of make-up, Monkey has got some depth of character, and he moves like a big, sexy animal. The animators and writers seemed to follow the idea of making him human, but not quite, his hunched over stance that show his giant lats, his ape-like jumps, animal ferocity, and puppy dog cuddliness are beautifully dangerous to watch. Monkey doesn’t know who he is either, nor does he seem to much care. Monkey lives from moment to moment, seeming possibly unable to remember the past or project himself into the future. He is immensely powerful and possesses abilities and tools which are otherworldly, but natural in his hands. Monkey is more and less than human, and does not have the same thought processes and emotions humans do. Monkey is enslaved by Tripp to help her escape and at first is enraged by the arrangement, but when he completes his task and Tripp offers him his freedom he asks her not to- he wants to be dedicated to a higher purpose and to her, but knows his nature is unpredictable, untamed, and unfocused. I love his insight, his power, and his inhumanity.

John Marsten from Red Dead Redemption

Westerns are not my thing, gimme magic, give me lasers; dust and six shooters leaving me yawning (and sneezing), but John Marsten is dead sexy. His voice, low and gravelly, sincere and polite, dangerous and weathered- the man has been through some serious shit and does not pretend to be anything but criminal, but now he is looking for redemption, he does not expect it, nor does he think he deserves it, but he seeks it nonetheless. Through the game you come to know him and love him, he has a heart and is dedicated to his loved ones, unlike other games where one can have sex with any sexy woman or prostitute, Marsten rebuffs them all and stays faithful to his wife and exprostitute. You feel him, his frutstration, his determination, his strength and his softness. It is beautiful.

Brucie Kibbutz from Grand Theft Auto 4

Brucie is messed up. He’s a ‘roided up disaster, obsessed with his body and full of manly posturing, cracked out of his skull, and hilarious. He is constantly trying to get Niko (the male protagonist) to touch his abs or feel his ass or look at his balls to prove that Bruicie really is “genetically better” (his words). He denies vehemently that he is gay and couldn’t be any straighter, but probably is not. He works very hard to become and appear manly, but his catch phrases, inspirational products, and need for attention and validation create an unfolding psychosis which is fun to watch. Everything Brucie says is worth quoting; he like everyone else is that game is a lovable mess.

Sander Cohen from BioshockSander Cohen is tragic. He’s an artist who never feels appreciated and honestly, he’s probably not as good as he thinks he is (and he knows it), a visionary who is second best, and a gay man in the 1940’s. He constantly tries to prove his superiority, but himself doesn’t believe it and thus is bitchy and quick to anger, the drug addiction in dement to the culture of the undersea utopia of Rapture doesn’t help either. It is unclear if he is a second class citizen because he is gay or if he believes he is second class because the ingrained homophobia. He takes protégés as lovers, sexy boys with ambition who use him and his position to further themselves, and tries to force their love. Sander Cohen wants to be loved. He is a picture of what it was to be gay then, and he tries to rise above it all, he attempts to maintain his dignity and grace among ruin. It’s tragic and lovely.

These characters are beautifully written and video game media allows them to be brought to life; we see their faces, how they move, we hear their voices. These characters make games art, and some of that art would be great on a calendar you would like to spend some alone time with.

Summer Gaming

Outside there is sun, and it is hot and burny. I can see nature through my window, I'm going to stay here where it is comfortable and there are snacks. I'm parched for a refreshing beverage, and I'm stuck in the gaming desert where new games are sparse and lame. Scary how I can read your mind, isn't it? Have no fear I am here to help with some advice on how to entertain yourself.

First bit of advice, keep it simple. Summer is beautiful, and there are half naked men jogging, and half naked men playing volleyball, and half naked men being inappropriately touched by the sun- you should be out in that! You don't need a 40 hour long epic tying up your free time, so maybe downloadable games would be best for you. Penny Arcade's On the Rain Slick Precipice of Darkness parts one and two are available on Xbox Live Arcade and PSN and run about $15 a pop. It's a light RPG with a mix of action and it is completely hilarious. I have not played a game so consistently funny all the way through, beyond this it takes it's story and its steampunk vibe seriously, so there a richness to imbibe.

Bastion is another relatively short downloadable game that you can play in short sittings. The art style is sweet and colorful, and the narrator who describes your every action has a sexy voice. This is straight up adventure, it has a cool and varied mix of weapons, and is a very solid game. You can find it on XBOX Live Arcade.

Some of your old favorites are also available on PSN, Golden Axe, one of my early favorites is up and free for Playstation Plus members, be a sex barbarian, a busty valkyrie, or a dwarf with a huge tool and hack your way through some levels for $5. There are a whole bunch of PS1 and PS2 games there as well. These are nice because you've got nostalgia, you know the story and the moves, so no pressure, you can drop in and out.

Of course, summer is also a time for replay, you know, take your time with it, don't rush to the climax, explore every inch of it. Two games that are great replays are Dragon Age 2 and Dead Space 2. Dragon Age 2 plays differently with each character, it possesses a deep mythology, and there are hundreds of sidequests you may have missed the first time. The story itself has complex moral decisions with no "right" answer, so go back and make a different choice. Dead Space 2 is beautifully horrific, the settings are detailed and varied, space preschool, creepy church, insane asylum without one generic inch in each. Dead Space 2 also has new game plus, so you can replay with all your weapons and upgrades and kill necromorphs in new and interesting ways.